the cheese

When I visited the website of my dearest Frans this afternoon, I was surprised to find her links page recently reorganized, with my insignificant web endeavor (see: this site) listed all by itself, in its very own category. Needless to say, I was flattered, and somewhat befuddled as to what could possibly convince Frans that I deserve an honor such as this, when clearly my writing leaves something (read: worthwhile content) to be desired. But being the attention-craving kid that I am (or NOT), I will not argue with her decision, and will, instead, bask in the glory of my (no doubt undue) recognition.

Frans is right about one thing, however. The cheese—or me, as it were—does, indeed, stand alone on most occasions. The cheese fears commitment and, as a result of said fear, tends to isolate itself intentionally—particularly if the alternative involves interaction with members of the opposite sex for whom the cheese may or may not have more-than-friend-like feelings. And when cute boys cook dinner for the cheese while she sits around lazily sipping on whiskey and not helping with the meal AT ALL, or they send her sweet text messages of the I’m Thinking of You variety, the cheese instinctively recoils from the clearly emerging relationship and puts up walls for protection. The cheese is bad at monogamy and emotional attachment and letting herself be loved. She’s selfish and she’s scared, and she likes standing alone most days.

The cheese goes well with wine.

And the cheese would totally let Frans date Tommy first. Totally.

The cheese understands that standing alone carries with it the added burden of composing decent posts on a more consistent basis, and she’s prepared to fulfill her self-contained dairy item duties in three important ways: 1) living a more shockingly scandalous life, 2) writing relatively eloquent recaps of all morally-questionable occurrences, and 3) fabricating elaborate lies to compensate when 1 and 2 inevitably fail.

The cheese would like to thank her RLBFF, Frans for (inadvertently, but also awesomely) presenting her with this Be Better At Blogging challenge. And for being so super. And for reminding the cheese that she doesn’t always have to stand so alone.