game over

After realizing a relationship of a legitimate and committed nature with the previously-kissed cute boy of postage past would be an ill-advised (and ultimately unsuccessful) venture, I attempted to cultivate a completely platonic friendship with said boy, but was forced to admit to failure when I woke up in his bed the morning following our first supposedly friendly engagement. Oops.

As a result of this overnight encounter, I began to rethink the relationship entirely, believing the old Friends With Benefits arrangement I so adored in my college days might make sense in this situation as well. And with one evening of post break-up kissing already under our belts (with no apparent emotional damage done), I was confident we could make it work.

Until Wednesday night, when the ego of the now-not-as-cute boy* foiled my oh so brilliant plan.

Over the course of nearly five hours, the boy consumed several healthy servings of Jim Bean Bourbon Whiskey, becoming increasingly (and predictably) more intoxicated as a result of his indulgence. In this same time period, I managed only two drinks of the same kind, even clocking an hour-long movie-induced nap while the boy continued in his alcoholic consumption.

As the movie came to an end and I awoke from my cinemagic sleep, the kissing commenced, initiated—I believe—with equal interest from both sides. And after three weeks of my two lips kissing nothing but each other, I was more than ready for a little nonobligatory lip action. Unfortunately, my partner decided to spoil the moment with an “I’m afraid I’m taking advantage of you” declaration.

Enter annoyance.

Because I was. Annoyed, that is. I was doing my best to take advantage of my clearly-more-inebriated-than-me ManFriend, but his pride wouldn’t let him forfeit control and enjoy being used by a relatively attractive female uninterested in next day expectations or exclusivity. Talk about ruining the fun for the sake of saving face.

The kissing of the formerly-cute boy is now over for good. Consider this post my no-kiss guarantee. At least until I find a man who knows that overcompensating for insecurity with egoism is not particularly attractive, or conducive to making out.


*After hearing from this boy three times in recent weeks that he finds himself attractive, I am less inclined to believe it myself.